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When I first wrote, or I should say re-wrote, “Joy” I had no idea the
wave it would make. I have received countless emails, questions, and
comments on this one song, several with the similar theme of “she sure
does not sound joyful to me!” I’ve even had people tell me that they
did not finish the song but skipped it because it sounded too
depressing and confused them in contrast to the rest of the Hymns-I
record. If perchance you are someone that has not finished the song
yet please listen through the end. It would be like starting a story
and never finishing it.
The first time I played Joy was the night my father passed away. He
had a short and painful battle with cancer. My dad was not perfect
but he did the best he could with what he had. A year before he died
he was diagnosed with dementia. The day he told me he had cancer he
said it was a blessing. To him, cancer was a better way to end his
story than a mind with no memory of his family or his life. So as I
sat at the piano, the only place that felt safe that night to me, the
weight of loss hit my chest. I remembered my eyes were blurred with
tears and I literally began to play the now familiar progression of
Joy. I kept cycling through the progression and then, as if it had
already been written, I began to sing a different melody to a song I
sang in VBS as a child, “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my
heart…” The truth is that I was terribly and profoundly sad. The
reality of grief had not even entirely hit me yet. But at the same
moment I had a deep sense of peace. He was no longer in pain. He was
no longer sick. He was free from all his ailments and restored.
Although I still miss him, I know that God has weaved redemption
through death into my father’s story. That brings me great joy. It
was not until grief became a part of my story that I realized that joy
is not simply an expression, but an attitude and acknowledgment of the
deep peace of knowing a Savior.
I believe it is important as a community that wants to comfort the
weary we allow space for those who are grieving, suffering, and
experiencing loss to say, “Hey! I am hurting! I am in pain!” It is
okay to give them space to figure out what joy means in that time.I now know that you can experience grief and joy simultaneously…and if
not, that joy can and will come if you allow it to.
I had Joy written without the ending that is on the record for a
while. And after I had some time to grieve I remembered the hymn “It
is Well With My Soul.” The author of that hymn lost multiple members
of his immediate family when he wrote those deeply wise words. It
seemed appropriate to end “Joy” with this hymn in acknowledgement that
God brings us peace. He even brings us joy when it seems and feels
impossible. -
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